Updated: Jun 26, 2019
Introduction: There is More than One Way to Tell a Life Story.
This is the first entry in what will assuredly become a very long series of very long and highly detailed articles and possibly later this year, a series of companion videos on my YouTube Channel, which will be detailing in depth many of the experiences I had during my extended period of homelessness from January of 2003 until June 6th 2014 when I closed on the $3900 cash sale of what is today: "Temporalia House."
I will not be writing in a linear chronological format as in a traditional autobiography, but in a relative experiential topical comparative format. In other words, most of this article series will be written as the subject matter of that particular story is relevant to a current event, situation or emerging development which is a matter of common or popular knowledge. I have not lived a very long life thus far as I am only 43 this year, however I can assure I have lived a life of intricate complexity and many many more personal hardships and non-injurious or lethal tragedies that anyone alive today even has a realistic inkling of, and I can assure you that I am not speaking out of any sense of unearned self-importance.
If I was, I would have made these stories available to the public many years ago and I would have done it in such a way as that I would not today be struggling to survive from a $9822 annual income. These are the stories of of my upbringing and life experiences from the age 8 onward and experiences in my later travels to more places in the last 28 years since I first went to Panama City Beach on my own at 15 in 1991, and so many more after 1997 that even trying to name them all in an introduction would be pointless and wasteful.
It is easiest to say that I have been to 5 foreign countries, 36 US states and 72 US cities which in itself is more places than the vast majority of the US population will ever travel to in an entire lifetime, and those are only the cities and towns most commonly printed on road maps and atlases. I don't even try to number all of the small towns, unincorporated communities, and residential clusters of several thousand, but not a residential environment that anyone outside of those clusters that have never visited them personally don't even know are there.
This is most often because the average American doesn't think that any people actually live like that in the United States of America unless it's as a result of some sort of unavoidable tragedy that forced them there, but never lived as an intentional choice. When people don't even internally recognize the possibility that residential clusters like that exist in the US in the first place, certainly not by choice, and much less to the massive number of families that most people don't think even exist in the first place but who regardless of their national cognitive social status as a non-entity in the public mind just go right on ahead and live their lives and raise their families in these places that are apparently only a conspiracy theory or a hyperbolic exaggeration told to spoiled children to frighten them into doing the right thing in a hurry before they hurt themselves or someone else..
I have heard many thousands of usually otherwise reasonable Americans vehemently and often in a state of frantic shock and frenetic denial that anyone would even consider people even being able to live like that at all, much less raise multiple generations of families in without someone doing something about a situation like that. The delusional and frenetic nature of the counter-arguments and "push-backs" to "correct" my "misinformation" or "misunderstanding" of how things in America really are to balance the severe cognitive dissonance and extreme internal discomfort which can frequently manifests physical symptoms in the stomachs of the modern comfortably soft to some of the more shocking or disturbing elements which those kinds of stories have caused to some good folks whole internal understanding of the framework of American society at every level are fascinatingly desperate to me as the flat earth spastics who are essentially modern, living, real-world human examples of the characters from Plato's "Allegory of the Cave."
I learn much by studying the various manifestations and expressions of people's responses to the things I say that I have experienced that they never thought were either real at all in the first place or that someone like me wouldn't ever have any opportunities to have any real knowledge worth listening to anyway. I pay particular attention to the subtle and contextual nuances in how that response manifests in that particular individual at that particular time of the year and day and what is going on current events as they relate to the current relevant situation so that I may adjust my own sails and rudder as to be able to accommodate the many various and often seemingly rudderless cognitive & perceptual sea changes resulting from things I tell them about my own life and experiences and the people I met and shared those experiences with which are as cognitively foreign to them as the Spanish tall ships that Columbus sailed over the horizon of San Salvador were to the Guanahani tribes people standing on the beach who were unable to see them, even though they were clearly visible by that point and were totally incapable of comprehending what those ships were & the cognitive dissonance that was generated simply resulted in a perceptual rejection which resulted in denial that anything was on the waters in the first place until he dropped anchor at their beach right in front of them and rowed ashore to greet them in person in the popular, but mythological metaphor of cultural cognitive perception bias & how it can affect different individuals based on different characteristics and criteria.. which have frequently resulted in some very unfortunate but extremely vicious acts of abuse and dehumanization from people who are simply incapable of comprehending the true complexity and intricacy of American society and our social fabric.
Have I piqued your interest yet? If so, good. That is not the story you are about to read, although I am more than certain that if this story gains traction with the capricious nature of what goes viral,how quickly and why, I will read numerous comments from those who will have convinced themselves that the vague description above is a reference to the account below.
Chapter One: Everyone has a Storied Life, but the Stories Aren't Always Uplifting.
2009 TO 2011: From Arizona to Occupy
I moved to Toledo, OH from Tucson, AZ in March of 2009 on a Greyhound Bus as a friend at the time asked me to come here to assist him and his friends in starting up a type of donation-based bookstore-café typically operated by Anarchist groups or collectives known as an Infoshop. They are generally used as propaganda and disinformation distribution centers, local underground music venues, political organizing centers, and often housing for anywhere from 5 to 25 people. They can range from somewhat functional to outright squalorous.
The building had been purchased by an Anarchist trust fund kid who had $60,000 for $20,000 outright. It had been a heating and cooling service business. There was virtually nothing inside and it required significant repairs.
There were no windows, heat, plumbing, kitchen, bedrooms, or shower, and there was a dangerous derelict 3 story freight elevator which had been sealed by the State Inspector and was condemned.
Initially there were 10 to 20 folks involved in the repair and redesign of the building depending on the day. 11 people were involved in the initial "collective" that ran the Infoshop, including the guy who bought it. 5 Millennial males, 1 retired auto worker and former communist as well as 6 females, 1 of which was a middle-aged professional urban planning engineer. At the time everyone involved identified as a feminist. I was crashing on the couch in the first floor retail area & only provided manual labor & research/technical consultation & assistance.
Meetings were held weekly to discuss work on the building and development of the Infoshop concept & project. Social & political issues as they related to interpersonal transactions within the collective were discussed more than anything else, and those rambling indoctrination & compliance sessions would go on for 3 or 4 hours at a time, and that didn't even include relevant business regarding the building and construction projects. This was my first introduction to 4th wave identitarian feminism & racial, gender and sexual bias against white & "white-passing" mixed race individuals as well as straight & "straight-passing" white gay men.
These meetings quickly became the most emotionally & psychologically abusive I had thus far personally experienced in a semi-organized community service organizational setting. This was a few years before the Tumblr Feminism, "everyone on Earth is trans & trans people are the most persecuted in history" hysteria & YouTube Anti-SJW movements had really started up yet. YouTube Atheism had just started to pick up steam & was focusing on attacking Christianity under the guises of debating and debunking creationists. At this time there were still only two genders, but misogyny was a word that was used frequently & usually as an accusation of malevolence for some simple action or statement made without any element of sexism involved at all.
These were the years that concepts including "The Patriarchy" and "Intersectional Feminism" were drilled into the budding SJW's heads & men were generally brow-beaten on a fairly regular basis. Nobody had even heard of Anita Sarkeesian, Antifa, Big Red, or Yvette Falarca yet. The halcyon days.
The biggest issue was what to do with the elevator. The owner and other closer friends in the collective had convinced themselves that it would be easy to repair the elevator to return to use as an elevator for the disabled to go from the basement to the second floor once the Infoshop was open. There were always plans to turn the basement into a "concert venue." The group involved with opening the place up were into direct action political violence & had already attended most of he same violent protests I had been at prior to meeting them as well as having attended the 2005 Toledo Neo-Nazi Riots, which laid waste to a significant portion of a very poor neighborhood including a number of small businesses.
As far as I know, that was their introduction to violent direct action protests which use the tactics of social & interpersonal violence & widespread property destruction to force their social or political agenda into the realities of the lives of everybody around them regardless of any negative social, political or economic outcomes resulting from their actions which are universally denied by them as being a result of their actions or activities in any way whatsoever.
Blame is invariably placed on either capitalism, corporations, conservatives and/or Christians in general. I've never seen a far-leftist accept responsibility for any damage that any of their ideas, actions, activities or policies have directly caused on whatever hapless, poverty-stricken element of society they are trying to be the "brilliant & compassionate liberal savior of" that week, depending on who is starving where & on what channel their plight is being advertised on during prime time, bringing the "only real solution that only they can implement" because only they know better, right?
The idea was that the upstairs front retail area would sell/trade/loan/give political materials to the community & a small coffee house would be built in the rear of the retail area adjacent to what was decided would be the kitchen. I designed the layout of the furniture & fixtures, as well as designing some of the furniture itself. I also assembled all of the coffee counter material requirements and installed all the commercial equipment by myself.
The Espresso machine was the best in the city. No matter what subculture I am associating with, I just can't help but to insert my passion for historical appliances & fixtures into anything that I do. The Espresso machine was a large, Italian dual-group manual lever-pull Espresso machine made in about 1962 or 63. We undoubtedly had the best coffee in Toledo for the year and a few months that I was there. No one else was even willing to put any effort into learning how to pull shots from that machine. Those that did try would only try once or twice, inevitably failing due to inexperience, then immediately quitting stating that it was too difficult for them. Then they invariably asked me to make them some more coffee. I worked countless hours behind that counter without being compensated for my time & effort in any way, but there were always more demands for more of my time & effort because I apparently can't put in enough even if I'm working for several days in a row with any breaks, food, or rest.
There were several pieces of commercial kitchen equipment salvaged from a public school which was scheduled for demolition. I designed & installed a fairly decent semi-commercial kitchen for the purposes of being used to prepare the meals for the "Food Not Bombs" feeding program for the homeless that the Anarchists ran every Friday afternoon. It wasn't until after the kitchen was completed that things really started going downhill for me there.
Many folks who have no experiential knowledge of US Anarchist culture & activism in the 21st Century may not be familiar with the Food Not Bombs groups. They have been around since 1980 when they were founded by anti-nuclear activists in Massachusetts. They are a far different organization today then they were in the 1980's.
Today, Food Not Bombs groups are primarily run by Anarchist groups who advocate for and participate in "direct-action protests" which use what is known as a "diversity of tactics." This is their way of saying that they seek to go out and start massive riots at whatever protest they attend.
Years ago they were referred to as the "Black Bloc," the "Direct Action Network," & the "Ruckus Society" but today are referred to as "Antifa," "BAMN" (By Any Means Necessary, the group Yvette Falarca is involved with), & "Refuse Fascism" with many smaller ancillary groups & organizations with similar or related goals, strategies & tactics such as the "Midnight Special Law Collective" which specializes in providing education & training on effective ways to commit serious criminal acts of violence or massive property destruction during a violent political protest or riot & be able avoid criminal charges or prosecution altogether. Many rioters and violent political actors have been able to get off scott free, even though they were directly observed by police in the commission of a criminal act & there is material evidence of that individual having committed the crime they are either not being charged with at all, or is dismissed in court.
These groups today are often staffed by the same people who were involved in those earlier groups which were behind the 1999 WTO riots in Seattle, the April 16,2000 anti-globalization (read: anti-capitalist) protests in Washington, DC & every WTO, IMF & G-20 riot between 1999 & 2005.
Today, Food Not Bombs serves both the homeless communities in whatever locale a particular group is working out of, as well as providing food for protesters & rioters at political rallies & direct action protests. While homeless shelters, soup kitchens & food pantries obtain their product from donations from either the local residents, or they are provided by grocery stores & wholesalers who provide large amounts of food for a tax write-off. Food Not Bombs, in general, is opposed to this & most of the groups today obtain nearly 100% of the food that they serve to the general public from grocery store dumpsters, and there are more Food Not Bombs soup kitchens serving food that is dangerously past it's bacterial safety threshold than there are serving up food that is safe for every person there to eat without a large number of folks running the risk of winning the weakened immune system lottery.
I have seen so much rotting food being prepared & served to poverty stricken & homeless people who are already experiencing severe food insecurity. Many homeless people obtain a significant portion of their diet from various types of dumpsters & waste disposal facilities already in the first place and would rather not be doing that to begin with as if they aren't red blooded Americans who would much rather be eating a damn sandwich or, hope against hope, a cheeseburger. There is also a general requirement that Food Not Bombs only serve vegan food. I have never seen a Food Not Bombs group serve any meat, milk, eggs, cheese or honey in any of their meals. Generally, they make a thin, watery soup with little or no stock using vegetables that are often so past their prime that any parent would throw them out immediately for fear of making their children sick. The soup is usually served with either stale bagels or bread from the dumpsters of high-end suburban "artisan" bakeries & whatnot. The bread/bagels are generally served right out of the garbage bag they were found in.
This food is nearly invariably served by people who are doing nothing more than wearing fake, store bought poverty as is it were a pair of jeans they had just picked up at Hot Topic the day before & were just going to take off that evening when they either get back to their comfy suburban homes they've always lived in and to the only way of life they really know anything about (and mostly ever will) or otherwise to their hoarded up squalorous dumps, most of which are squatted abandoned buildings and even those are nothing more than a cheap fashion expression of these petulant upper middle class children who are nothing more than angst ridden rebels without a clue going against daddy's wishes while still spending his money as if it were a bottomless well totally disrespecting the struggles that man had to go through to be able to give them that money they're throwing away so casually in the first place.
Such was the case at the Black Cherry, although it was even worse here than anywhere else I've ever seen. The guy who was doing the dumpster diving for the food was a trash hoarder & he brought absolutely everything back to the kitchen that I worked so hard on & he just left it there to pile up. Commercial buildings in Toledo don't get curbside garbage pickup & are required to rent a dumpster to dispose of all their trash. The people who had a fairly substantial & completely unearned trust fund income were resentful that they didn't get free trash pickup because they felt they deserved special treatment because of all the "good they do for society every day" and they only paid for the dumpster for a few months & it got repossessed by the waste management company.
There was no ability to dispose of kitchen or household waste after November of 2009. After that point, the garbage was simply dragged into the 3 car garage at the rear of the building and left there to rot. By the time I was violently evicted back into what became another year of homelessness in December of 2010, the trash pile in the garage had reached almost 12' tall & the rotting food hoard stacked on the floor of the kitchen was about 9' tall & the kitchen was totally unusable as no one was willing to do any cleaning whatsoever other than myself & I had been informed that I had to stop cleaning the kitchen because I had been the only one doing it & they viewed that as an act of aggression & domination and therefore was committing an act of violence by cleaning up someone else's mess that they themselves were unwilling to clean at any time or for any reason.
I regularly did many dozens of loads of dishes by myself that had over 500 individual items requiring heavy washing in a very long single day of hard graft kitchen defuckery. The piles in the sink would reach 4 or 5' tall so often I stopped trying to make estimates on how fast mount dishmore would grow to the point I would have to reach over my shoulders to get to the peak of it. One time it got so bad it took me 40 hours straight to get all the dishes & the whole kitchen clean. It only took 48 hours more for the kitchen to get trashed all over again to about a third of the level it was at before I started decontaminating it. Several residents (there were 11 in all including me) had taken to keeping dirty dishes in their rooms as they had long since run out of space in the kitchen until I cleaned it up for them. There were 3 times as many dishes squirreled away in bedrooms than what I had spent the past 2 days straight literally sanding clean with sandpaper in some cases as I was told in no uncertain terms to throw any dishes away as it would be considered an act of theft from the collective.
Don't think for one second the horror story you're reading is in any way unique to Toledo either, although this city does have a lazy streak going through the majority of the population wide enough to sail the USS Iowa through with plenty of room to spare on both sides. I've been observing the internal social & domestic behavioral patterns of far-left low-end street level activist groups for over 20 years & I've seen identical behavioral patterns in massive segments of that population in every city I had access to those particular subcultures (73 different cities in 36 States since 1997). The concept of basic household management techniques is something that completely escapes the comprehension of the average Generation X to Millennial leftist political radical or rabble-rouser. This is also a nationwide issue for a far larger segment of the conservative elements of those age demographics as well, so don't think for one second that being a conservative doesn't mean you're not capable of living in your own particular kind of inexcusably lazy-ass nasty squalor too, I've seen some nasty nasty homes of people that called themselves "hard working American conservatives" to everyone that will stop long enough for them to get the sentence out of their mouth, while going home to houses & apartments (often with children in them) that don't look like they've seen any real "elbow grease" cleaning since Reagan was in office.
But the danger faced by these types of leftists is that are totally (and usually self) convinced that they are the ones who know how to manage a just, fair & functional human society better than anyone else who is actually doing that management & readily willing to resort to violence if they are not immediately given the keys to our civilization because they are the only ones who know what's going wrong and therefore the only ones qualified to address the situation and anyone else will only smash the ship of society immediately into the rocks.
They have convinced themselves that they are the only only ones who know how to run society without running it into the ground & ruining the lives of millions but they can't even run a dish-washer or do a load of dishes regularly enough to keep from getting a bacteria, mold, drain-fly & roach infested pile of crusty dishes stacked up taller than they are, in a sink usually clogged & overflowing with a toxic chowder of putrid, rotting soft & liquid food waste. Expert knowledge of how to run society, indeed!
The people with the influence & control over the actions and direction the Black Cherry Collective took had no idea what they were doing & no knowledge of any logistical, mechanical or operational systems of any kind at all, much less a 75 year old rusted solid hydraulic freight elevator that had been sealed for over a decade. Most of the abuse I received was as a result of actually knowing what I was talking about & ability to provide more than ample evidence of my claims.
The freight elevator was not in any way repairable & the owner could face serious legal issues if there were any attempts to return the elevator to use in any capacity, much less to be ADA wheelchair compliant. I was accused of being a conspiracy theorist for claiming that the ADA prohibited freight elevators from being used to comply with ADA wheelchair requirements, or even being used to carry passengers at all.
All the doors to the elevator shaft were pried open despite my warnings that doing so would be illegal & could result in significant fines from the State, as well as making it significantly more difficult to heat an already hard-to-heat space filled with full-time residents. I was screamed at, told I was stupid & didn't know what I was talking about even though I showed them the State Elevator Inspector's website & the relevant State & Federal laws regarding derelict elevators & unsealing shafts after a State inspector has deemed them unsafe & not repairable & sealed them shut to avoid falls. My own estimates based on research suggested that it would require a tremendous financial outlay to have a working elevator, possibly in the range of over $100,000.00.
The collective had convinced itself through brow-beating and dissent-silencing that the cost for repairing the elevator would only be in the range of about $125.00, which was the cost of a used breaker box which was not up to current codes for elevators in commercial buildings. They were not only delusional, they were using extreme social & psychological violence to insist on their own ignorance.
Since I wasn't getting through to them myself, and at the time I actually did think there was the seed of a good idea in the Infoshop concept itself & I didn't want any issues that might jeopardize the plans & progress that had already been made, so I called the State inspector in Columbus & spoke with him directly & requested that he come to Toledo in person to discuss the issue with the owner & the members of the collective who had convinced themselves that it was simply a matter of re-installing the [non codes complaint] circuit breakers and flipping the switch and the elevator would work perfectly with no more effort put into it than that. I was told several times that the difference was that they worked smart while I was wasting my time trying to work hard which never paid off for anyone so why should I think it would ever pay off for me.
The very unthrilled elevator inspector came up from Columbus on a three hour drive & spoke with us later that week.
He told us that not only could a freight elevator not be used to transport people in general, but especially no wheel chairs, but also the entire shaft would have to be demolished and rebuilt to be approved for passenger operation. The inspector made a spot estimate for potential costs, suggesting it could cost at least $175,000.00 to have an elevator. He also fined the owner $250.00 for unsealing a condemned elevator & was ordered to reseal the doors within 24 hours or risk further legal action.
The owner agreed to the inspectors terms, but never complied with them. The photos included here were taken over 7 months after the 24 reseal order had been given. The elevator was never resealed during the year that I was sleeping (sort of) there. The owner was fined an additional 3 times. I was blamed for all of the fines & accused of setting it up with the inspector on purpose to try & make my lies seem more believable.
I was just flabbergasted. I was being screamed at & insulted every day at this point. I was still technically homeless as I had no legal residency at the Black Cherry & tenancy laws did not protect me as I was receiving no mail at that address nor were any utilities in my name nor did I have any form of lease and therefore no proof of residency which would stand up in the Municipal Housing Court. I was simply a "couch-crasher" and I had never lived in or even been to Toledo before & knew no one here other than the people I was living with.
I had been spending all of my time in that building and I rarely left for any personal reasons other than medical requirements, but certainly only made a scant handful of personal social ventures into local Toledo society beyond that of the one for cutting up men that I had unfortunately found myself living with.
When I was living there as I was either performing unpaid strenuous labor for them or resting and recovering from either working a severely injured hand too hard & was nursing a high level of pain, or otherwise I was emotionally recuperating from another "accountability check" existential delegitimization & dehumanization session. I had nowhere else to go & winter was approaching fast & Toledo winters are always cold and miserable.
At the next meeting, a decision was made after a 4.5 hour angry shouting match of allegations of sexism & intentional participatory exclusionism from every person there with a penis (including one there who was not themselves born with one) , that the kitchen should be painted.
Yes, an almost 5 hour scream-session is what it took for 9 adults to make the determination that a room needed to be painted. There were never any arrangements made at the meeting to schedule the actual *painting* of the kitchen, only a 4.5 hour heated argument over whether or not to buy paint or find free paint from local resources & how the painting was to take place so as not to exploit or oppress any marginalized people in the process. I'll note to the reader that at this point the combined net worth of the two primary individuals involved with that project at the time this meeting took place was ~$74,000.00, all of which was purportedly intended to be used for that project primarily.
As a rural, southern, middle-aged, gay Atheist raised in a family of at least 7 generations of domestic service and sharecropper plantation abject poverty sitting in a room filled with upper middle class suburban millennials with a personal, unearned net worth of over $100,000 between everybody in the room other than me, all of whom were either still in undergraduate school paid for by their parents or a trust fund or had already failed or dropped out, and I already knew very well that I was technically the most "historically marginalized" person in that room & that I would be the most marginalized person who would be working on the kitchen project or any other for the foreseeable future.
I didn't understand what their deal was with "not oppressing the marginalized" when there weren't going to be any other marginalized people doing any of the work other than me & I was neither being paid for my time & labor, nor was I being offered any kind of remuneration for my work & actively being denied any kind of legal protection as a resident there so that I could have some form of protection to prevent me from simply being cast back out into homelessness on a capricious whim or act of intentional malevolence.
I had the distinct impression that the issue of painting the kitchen was being intentionally dragged out because there were a few people in the collective who had no intention of doing any manual labor whatsoever in regards to smearing paint on walls & their expressions, body language, tone, demeanor & word choice suggested they had a visceral feeling of contempt for work they felt was "beneath them" which also was applied to anyone who themselves was willing to do work that they didn't feel "real people" should be willing to do. This is why I ended up doing the most work of the shittiest nature during the time that I was there. That type of work is fit only for people like me, the lives unworthy of living, as it were.
They were more concerned over whether or not the upcoming punk show was going to be well attended & if there was going to be a reporter from the City Paper there or not to give them publicity on upcoming shows & punk bands on tour coming through Toledo so that more fake news media lipstick could be smeared across the sallow face of their cancer-ridden pig of a hoarded up shithole.
One thing I learned about identitarian collectivists, and this goes for Anarchists, Communists and today's "Alt-Right," is that if a member of the collective with any influence doesn't want to do any work on a particular project they will invariably make anyone else who may be willing to do the work feel guilty or ashamed for wanting to do it in the first place. There is a similar tactic used when a collective authority figure does not know something of critical importance or how to do something that must be done despite their inability, though it is an arrogantly ignorant active denial of anyone whom is within their local sphere of interaction who tries to claim that they have knowledge that the self-proclaimed "dear leader" does not already posses or that the other person possesses a greater degree of said knowledge than the dear leader does & then start trying to gently explain in the most horsey and ducky terms they can concoct in their bigoted little minds to this poor dumb pseudo-human animal that thinks it has a brain what "Dunning-Kruger" is & how they should only offer help they were capable of offering & that "those kinds of things" (in my case, it was simple technical skills like networking, basic cyber-security "digital perimeter defense", social media marketing and campaign development, information gathering, research & information analysis)
I've seen people turn a simple decision to perform a simple, but menial or tedious task into a living nightmare for everyone involved to the point where no one could get the job accomplished without being constantly reminded of how stressful the entire situation was & how bad they were made to feel for being willing to do something that someone else wasn't & more often than not, the task simply goes ignored for weeks, months & often it goes ignored forever.
By the time they are done disparaging those who are willing to do the work, no one involved even wants to think about the issue ever again because it has been such an abusive & stressful emotional & cognitive ordeal that no one wants to do the work at all anymore as interactions like that usually leave a painful wound that takes a while to heal & tackling the thing that you have been made to feel subhuman over is a good way to ruin your quality of life for a while thereafter due to exacerbating the damage that has already been done & can lead to anxiety, depression, PTSD & eventually social isolation which is in many cases lethal. So it never gets done. I learned an additional hard lesson from this experience. Something I didn't expect at all. It marked the beginning of the end for me at the Black Cherry.
I knew the petulant children had no intention of painting the kitchen & because they just couldn't be bothered they were going to damn well make sure that no one else even thought of bothering over what they were unwilling to as that might pose a risk to their position of authority on the social hierarchy they say they don't live under. If they are the ones who have been fawned over as "the" authoritative personality in the collective, regardless of their actual competency levels, then they are invariably going to view anyone who has any real valuable & demonstrable skills as someone who will inevitably unseat them & their subjects might view them as weak or ignorant.
This is a personal social injustice of the highest order to SJW's which is why they invariably trot out the trans-ethno-islamo-homo-misogyphobia pony to gin up local pity support so they can launder their own insincere motivations to cover up knowledge of their malign agenda using the very socio-economic demographic being targeted by their economically & socially bigoted "community advocacy projects" which are usually nothing more than class-antagonism indoctrination sessions complete with more than 3 minutes of hate every day ginning up hatred of anyone who has even a little more money than they do, simply for the fact that is money & the racist or evil capitalist won't simply give it to them "because you have it and I don't, what the hell more reason do you need, mister?"
Over the next week, they switched gears & I began to be treated as if I was not pulling my weight & the kitchen not having yet been painted was somehow a result of some action, position or statement that I made during that debate. The kids were all off in their ramshackle bedrooms upstairs or in their comfortable upper middle class suburban homes pouting and not talking to each other & since I was the "most full-time resident" & therefore around the most, blame was being placed on me for not doing everything that the collective had decided to do themselves during the last meeting. I wasn't even frustrated. I was on the side of "let's just paint the damn kitchen, it's not that hard," and I didn't even think twice when I woke up the following morning and went downstairs to paint the kitchen by myself, because I was raised to be responsible enough to be able to see a job that very much needs doing, that no one else is taking any real action or initiative to do it and that the job needs to get done whether they want to do it or not, so if no one else is willing then I should be because someone does in fact need to do it so I have an obligation to stand up for necessity when no one will. I figured they'd at least be a little appreciative.
It got done without their precious little delicate hands or sensitive souls didn't get all dirtied up and ruined with the carcinogenic sludge of having to perform simple, low-impact, mild physical labor for maybe 8 to 12 hours out of only 365.2422 days in a year, & only an average expected lifespan of 80 years or so. 12 hours out of 365 days?! Might as well be asking them to go on a one-way trip to Mars just for sake of collecting one mote of dust. Ask the poor people. They don't mind working for nothing & you can treat them like total garbage as long as you let them live there with no possibility of any legal tenancy & the rights and court protection that comes with it & punishing any effort to obtain legal tenancy with social abuse or ostracism.
I was wrong. When the wealthy suburban feminists got over their pity-party & came back to the Black Cherry, they saw the kitchen had been painted entirely with about 20 gallons of paint which had been donated to the project. I was in the middle of the room smiling, thinking I had done something good. Nope. I was being domineering, overbearing & oppressive to the feminists because I took action (that had been voted on by them to be taken) without asking their permission if I could be the one to do it or taking it up as a proposal at the next meeting.
I was told in no uncertain terms that my choice to paint the kitchen after it had been decided that the kitchen should be painted was itself an act of misogynistic hate-based discrimination & that I only did it because I didn't think women were good enough to paint, and should only be sexually objectified. I was accused of "raping the reality of their existence" (?) simply by painting walls in a kitchen without asking them permission for a task they had already voted in favor of. Forgive my potential naivete here, but I am a US Navy Veteran. When one is in the military and one is told a ob has to be done and the senior leaders in the command issue a general order, then one needs no further permission. The order has been given. You do not ask permission to follow an order. If the military did things like Anarchists, America would have fallen to even the most simple minded petty tin-pot tyrant from some unheard of tiny 3rd world banana republic shithole long before anyone alive today was even a spark in anyone's eye.
I reminded the two strident & abusive intersectional feminists (the middle-aged urban engineer & a 20-something abortion clinic worker) who were conducting this experiment in terror that I was in fact raised by two women , one of whom is to this day the greatest & strongest woman I have ever known & that I had very little male influence in my early life other than my peers in school. I also reminded them that I am gay & have been out of the closet since 1994, have experienced several hate-based physical attacks and property damage as well as having survived a rather brutal rape in San Francisco in 1997 and the idea of assaulting a woman, or any person, in any way was assuredly not in my personality make-up, largely due to my Grandmother's influence me in teaching me how to respect women & do better than use violence or sexual assault to force my will on others.
The abortion clinic worker turned beet red & her eyes got wider than I had ever seen someone's eyes go before. I thought they were going to pop out right of her orbital sockets right there in front of me & go bouncing across the room. She fumed, and twisted and pinched her face in several different expressions of contempt & bitter hatred, and breathed heavily for a minute as if she was trying to hold herself together. She couldn't.
She tore into me & went off on a 20 minute highly detailed & viciously slanderous final conviction in the kangaroo court of social just-us that she had always known that I was;
"only gay because [I] hate women so much that [I'm] not even willing to lower [myself] to fuck one. [I am] the most misogynistically toxic that any man can possibly be. Only straight-acting gay white men can hate women as much as [I] do."
She then went on to proclaim that the world would be a better place if I died of cancer, and I didn't get cancer that I should do the world a favor and end my life anyway because I'm the textbook example of;
"the evil, hate-based form of ultra-misogynistic pseudo-homosexual where a man is only gay because they sincerely embrace the most extreme form of sexist bigotry possible for any human to ever express" & that [I] knowingly & willingly "[sexually assault] women & transgender people by not being open & tolerant enough to consider [engaging in various forms of intimate & sexual relationships] with them or [having any kind of sexual contact] with women, while openly resisting the idea of casual sex and polyamorous relationships as a positive and healthy development in the social evolution of the human species because we were finally taking our rightful place among the animals, who themselves are more apt to have non-monogamous relationships with multiple partners & arrogantly insistence on only participating in traditional forms of courting and relationships which the most evil form of misogynistic & patriarchal form institutionalized sex slavery & my very desire to have a husband and a family was itself an act of violence against women, and especially against feminists."
In other words, my not desiring intimacy with a female is a form of "rape." The throttle on the Internet Social "Just-Us" Hate Machine just opened right on up after that & the ostracization & peer-group level personally targeted punitive coercive behavioral manipulation & suppression fueled steam engine of social persecution & social cleansing was open throat highballing down a corn silk curtain straightaway at 70 mph & showed no signs of slowing, pulling those "lives which have been deemed unworthy of living" on an express route to whatever "final solution" lies in store for them. The whole "gay misogyny" hate movement was just getting started in the way that has led to the developments of the current era.
Now in 2009 and 2010 (and actually for a few years before that in another state, the story of which is equally disturbing, but wholly irrelevant to the topic of this article so I will refrain from that tangent as it is a wilderness of mirrors that most people get hopelessly lost in), I had essentially been nothing more than a social experimental lab rat for the dress rehearsals and dry runs for a the current social and economic cleansing campaign being beset on communities in every major city in every State in the United States today, which was essentially only in it's larval state at that time.
Tumblr Feminism hadn't even been dreamt of in the worst nightmares of the elder victims of the abuses of the 1960's era "Lavender Menace," the proto-3rd wave feminists who the first vanguard in co-opting the gay community to turn it to their own goals and agenda at the expense of the gay community for the sole benefit of the mostly white, upper middle class heterosexual feminist movement.
All sorts of bizarre claims were being made by virtually everybody involved at this point. I was told that I am a hate-filled, dangerous bigot & that I am overbearing & apparently had been intentionally plotting to take over the Black Cherry since I was first invited to move here & throughout the entire time I had been sleeping on their ratty ass couch & rickety ass drunken DIY bedrooms, covered in graffiti that amounted to nothing more than "anti-American" hate speech (to use their non-language), filled with alcoholics, drug addicts, narcissistic womanizers with a fairly concerning smattering of autistic male anarchists with a fairly severe & strangely similar manifestation of narcissistic sociopathy with violent tendencies as if trying to take over a literal human garbage landfill like that is something even worth considering for just as long as it takes to say "no, fuck that, man."
By the time they were making these allegations in their hoarded up nasty ass building that I was essentially the "hobo-rella" for 11 evil stepsisters for a little over a year and I gave the last best years I had to those nasty-ass mean-spirited, drunken, drug-addicted "glassholes" (Toledo's nickname is "Glass City") or that anyone with more than 2 brain cells left to rub together would even want to have anything to do with that building or the completely morally bankrupt sociocidal maniacs that were infesting it anyway as bad as they fucked that poor building up, despite my best efforts to hold it together using the little duct tape and bailing wire I could dig up out of the trash piles all over the building. By the time it got this bad I had already been trying to figure out a way to extricate myself from the situation as safely and quickly as possible & had intentionally not made that fact known to anyone there or anyone connected to them.
I had been deemed a threat to the safety & security of the women who were patrons of the Black Cherry & that my misogynistic pseudo-homosexuality & chronic emotional & mental abuse which amounted to nothing less than torture must immediately be dealt with on an emergency basis in an "collective accountability meeting" so that I may be fully informed of precisely which ways and justifications I use to express my hatred of women & my secret, hostile desires to dominate all women I encounter by oppressing & terrorizing women with my bigoted mansplaining. (That non-word was new at that time. This was in early Spring of 2010 & I had heard the term used for the first time that year).
I was told that the entire awful saga with the condemned elevator was a prime example of mansplaining. That "if I hadn't mansplained to them that using that elevator might kill someone that everything would have been fine and they would have been able to fix the elevator just fine" by doing what they were planning on doing in the first place. The entire drama with the elevator was "based on my hatred of women in the first place" because it was the young woman who worked at the abortion clinic who came up with the idea of replacing the breaker box & simply turning the elevator on & that "I resented the fact that a woman was coming up with an out of the box solution to accommodating wheel chair bound individuals that was simple & affordable and I was just resentful that I didn't come up with it myself and had to shut the woman up to strengthen my position of total domination over every aspect of her existence using the lie of my status as a gay man to prop up & obfuscate my hatred of everything feminine."
I asked her why she felt she had to treat me so hatefully when I hadn't actually done any of these things to her that she is accusing me of & none of the motivations she was attributing to me had any bearing on reality as it pertained to my actual motivations. That was apparently the wrong question because she went off on a 20 minute tantrum, crying & screaming that I had called her a hateful person & that I thought she was evil, when I never said anything of sort, nor did I call her a "hateful person" but only asked why she "treated me so hatefully." The entire collective was on her side & I was determined to be guilty of deeply held misogynistic beliefs & a long-term pattern of severely misogynistic actions & statements for the entire time they had known me since we first met at the 2008 Republican Nat'l Convention in St. Paul, MN.
I was officially on notice that if I didn't correct my thinking, speaking & actions within 30 days & make amends for all of the (apparently) hundreds of acts of misogynistic behavior & statements to every female involved with the Black Cherry that I would have to leave & find somewhere else to live. I was not informed as to what actions I was expected to take to make "amends" with these people I never did anything to, but simply told that I "already know what I need to do, & I was simply pretending to be confused because every act of exploitation & oppression of every one of he several hundred females who had passed through the Black Cherry in the 18 months I had been there was carefully & intentionally calculated and I had known what I was doing and why I was doing it the whole time.
One of the older guys, who was a former auto-worker & communist, got into a conversation with me about my youth. I told him about growing up being largely dependent on horses for a lot of the hard labor that needed to be done in the fields where I grew up & that one of my best friends when I was an adolescent was a horse & that I had a closer relationship with that horse than I did any other human save for my Grandmother at the time. He then sternly informed me that I had spent an entire childhood being a slave-master of an unfairly exploited animal & that what I considered to be a warm & comfortable memory of a close friend was really an act of unconscionable atrocity & that animal exploitation is the worst form of violence.
It didn't matter how much I explained to him about how many hundreds of acres the horse had to roam around on, how often he and I were together & were inseparable for almost two years when I was going through a very difficult time in my early teens. None of that mattered to him, he still doubled down on my intentional enslavement of an innocent & non-consenting animal.
It gets even funnier. This guy lived in the Black Cherry in the room adjacent to mine. In that 12' x 10' room, he had 9 adult house cats penned up inside his bedroom that he never let out for any amount of time for any reason whatsoever. 9 large cats living crammed together in a 12' x 10' windowless room with no air circulation & irregular litter box changing. It seems to me that those poor cats didn't give their consent to be kept in an overcrowded involuntary prison cell on a life sentence, doomed to die in that room without ever having done anything wrong to get put there in the first place.
When I pointed this out to him, gently I might add, he simply doubled down & made excuses that he did what he did because he loved his cats & they couldn't take care of themselves in an urban environment. I gave up & lost all respect for him at that moment.
By this point every inch of the Black Cherry had been hoarded up to anywhere from a level 3 to a level 5 hoard depending on where in the building you were.